Constant Craving

All throughout my pregnancy, people kept asking me if I was craving anything ‘weird.’ I wasn’t. The most I could say is that I always wanted spicy food – the spicier, the better! – and I was really enjoying sushi (either fully-cooked or from a reputable place, not a grocery store or buffet).

But now? Oh my, there are cravings. Not for anything weird. In fact, what I’m craving is so boring and cliché it’s almost embarrassing to admit it.

Chocolate. And ice cream.

Geez, I sound like Deanna Troi from Star Trek.

And now I sound like a geek…

Anyway, I find myself wanting ice cream frequently, but since it’s not in the house – I can’t trust myself around it! – I don’t give in to that one very frequently.

Chocolate, however, is a different story. Even though I almost never buy chocolate (or if I do, it’s a single piece of chocolate – like an individually wrapped truffle), it has been in the house in one form or another, since Halloween. It’s awful.

First, there was the devil’s holiday itself. I call it that not for any religious reason, but because of the prevalence chocolate and candy. What an evil day. My husband bought a few bags of candy for trick-or-treaters, and the proportions were off just a little. As in, we could have given each trick-or-treater an entire bag. I indulged a bit over the next day or two, but honestly, I would only have a few pieces. I never dug in and ate more than say, four pieces in a day. And we’re talking about the super small York Peppermint Patties and the SUPER small Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. In fact, we still have some of those Peanut Butter Cups, and they don’t really call to me (though I’d like them to be out of the house already…)

Then there was my husband’s holiday party with work. Normally, this wouldn’t be an ongoing problem: Just a single night to indulge. But not this party. They had a CANDY TABLE. It was adorable, really: A very long table loaded with large, clear glass containers housing a wide array of chocolates and candies wrapped in Christmas papers and foils. They also provided small, red boxes (like Chinese food leftover boxes) so that you could load up! And indulge for days…

Once my box was gone though, no problem, right? Except that my husband had a box, too, which he hasn’t finished yet because he does not suffer from the same infliction that I do, so I’ve been dipping in to that from time to time (sorry, honey!).

The other problem is that at this candy table, I discovered a new variety of Hershey’s Kiss which I LOVE – Candy Cane! It’s peppermint-flavored white chocolate with tiny, crunchy, pepperminty, balls inside. I liked them so much, I hinted to my husband that it wouldn’t be an awful thing if a bag of them showed up in my stocking on Christmas. He dutifully obliged, and now I have those sitting around. Staring at me. All. The. Time.

Interspersed with the holidays have been gifts from lovely clients. Gifts of delicious chocolate in many forms: Chocolate-covered popcorn. A box of mixed chocolates. A tin of chocolate toffee. Chocolate-covered strawberries. I love my clients. And I love the thought behind the gifts. I even love the gifts themselves! But after a few days of eating way too much of them, I end up throwing the rest out. Wasteful, I know. But necessary. For my own good.

You see, I don’t have willpower. Willpower is overrated. I simply keep things out of reach, and then I don’t NEED willpower. But lately? With the gifts of chocolate that have been perpetually available for the last few months? I’m flailing.

It doesn’t help that when my daughter is crying incessantly for seemingly no reason (misfiring sensor), I feel… compelled… to eat chocolate. And it’s available. And so I do.

Hopefully, with the last of the chocolate on its way out, I can get back to craving chocolate, and not actually eating it.

At least, not every time my daughter cries without purpose.


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