A few days ago, I was all set to write about how much I’ve changed in the last few years. Not my physical appearance, but ME.
For instance, at a picnic on the 4th, we were all just sitting around and talking (all day) and I got VERY antsy. I needed to do something so I rolled down the hill (wee!). After that we got a little action going with some frisbee, which was a lot of fun.
What struck me about this is that 2 years ago I would have been very content to sit in a chair all day (particularly if we were playing a board game), as that was pretty much all I ever did anyway. In fact, I would have been annoyed if someone suggested doing something physical.
While this is a pretty significant change, the days since then have shown me that I’m not all that different from my “old self”.
Take yesterday: I got up at early with my husband who had an early meeting with the intention of seeing him off to work and then going for a run. After he left though, I was too tired to go for a run so I went back to sleep on the couch, figuring I would run later in the day.
“Later in the day” came, and finally – at almost 9pm – I forced myself to go for a run. That part is different. I actually put on my running clothes and sneaks and headed out. After a few minutes of thinking about how NOT in the mood I was – and here comes the “same old me” part – I walked for a bit, then doubled back and headed for home. I was out for 8 minutes. Absolutely pathetic.
This makes me sad. I don’t want to be the same old me! I like the new me. The me with energy who does things. Who has ambition and motivation and determination. Where did that girl go? Why am I struggling so much this week? This is not normal.
And it’s unacceptable.
*sigh* Thanks for letting me vent, internet. I promise, tomorrow we’ll return to our regularly scheduled program, where I’m full of optimism and hope. For today, though, I’m going to crawl back into my little hole. After I crank out some push ups, of course.
