Here’s my theory: Gyms (at least the one I go to) take nefarious steps to keep membership up. Allow me to explain.
Observation #1: Before I headed to the gym yesterday, I put on some workout clothes, including a new tank top. When I looked in the mirror I thought I looked pretty good. Good enough for the gym, at least.
I got to the gym and hopped on a bike for a quick 10-minute warm-up. The bike I was on faced a wall covered in mirrors, and I couldn’t help but notice that I. Looked. Awful. I looked much larger than I did at home. In fact, if I had seen the same reflection before I left, I would have put on something else.
When I returned home, I looked in the mirror again and found that I looked the same as I did before I left, but sweatier.
This leads me to believe that the gym has Fun House mirrors: Mirrors that are designed to make people look fat – but not so fat that it will be really noticeable – just enough that people will feel inclined to continue their memberships.
Observation #2: When I was at the gym on Wednesday, I noticed a disturbing trend: Studded throughout the gym – on the treadmills, using the free weights, stretching, on the weight machines, everywhere! – there were perfect-looking couples. You know the ones: a twenty-something girl with a fabulous body, great tan, shiny hair, even a cute outfit and her equally perfect-looking boyfriend: tall, muscular, tan, white teeth – the kind of people who should be extras on “The Hills”.
One or two astoundingly beautiful couples is understandable, but they were everywhere. I believe that my gym is paying perfect men and women to parade around making people feel bad about themselves, once again, in the hopes that people will maintain their memberships.
Conclusion: My gym sucks.
